CityFellowship | Union Square NYC

The dating posts on this blog get a lot of views… unfortunately I don’t know that much about this stuff – and everything I’m reasonably sure about is already out there.  So here’s an opinion from my own experience…take it for what it’s worth.  I think it’s healthy for single folks to be “fans” and have lots of “fans.”  So my advice is: Learn to be a fan… Like…(for guys) you can be a fan of Natalie Portman: think she’s great, want to see every movie she’s in – and yet you don’t want to marry her or date her – you’re not even thinking along those lines.  Or you can be a fan of Daniel Craig, think he’s hot, love his movies – but you’re not romantically involved, and you’re also a fan of a dozen other actors… In the same way, instead of being secretly “in love” with people or “closing your heart” to others – I think it’s really healthy when people are fans of others…admiring their good qualities and wishing the best for them in ways that don’t imply attachment.  If you live someplace like NY, there ought to be a handful of people you’re an avid admirer of – regardless of whether you’re interested in them romantically.  I think this is healthy for a number of reasons… Continue Reading »

When you’re in the right state of mind for a particular task it’s easy; but when you’re in the wrong state of mind, or feel depressed or defeated, it doesn’t work no matter how hard you try.  Animal trainers learn to discern the ‘state of mind’ of an animal: even a domesticated animal can be dangerous when in the wrong state of mind.  Caesar Milan talks about trying to get a “calm submissive state” from his dogs…the goal is not behavior compliance, but a mindset.  Now we’re all sort of animal trainers for our own mind…  We don’t just act, think or feel, but we can do things to act, think and feel.  To coax our own souls into the right mindset. Continue Reading »

The idea of happiness gets no respect these days.  To be “happy” is sometimes the opposite of “serious.”  If you paid someone a lot of money to do a very important project – you’d probably feel better knowing the person was serious – working and…miserable.  If she were “happy”, you’d think she was goofing off.  ”How can you be happy when there’s so much work to do?”   Continue Reading »

…until they DO.  So ask your friends, what do you think, can people change or do people pretty much stay the same all their lives?  Many younger people tend to think people can change, you can remake yourself into any kind of person.  While lots of older people, who’ve seen people “change”, tend to believe that no matter how much people change, they fundamentally stay the same.  I think both are right.  People do pretty much stay the same: when you get to know someone as a kid, and then later become friends with them when they’re 40 – they’re pretty much the same person!  Part of the fun of meeting people from a long time ago is seeing how much they’re the same, and yet how that same-ness translates to a different age and position…  So people never change – until they DO change… Continue Reading »

Sunday we looked at “Blessed are the pure in heart…” and we said that Jesus’ message only works when you take it at 100%.  So if you REALLY believe you have a Father in Heaven who looks after all your needs, then it’s easy to be generous (like Jesus).  If you REALLY believe you’ve been forgiven of something huge, it’s easier to forgive like Jesus.  And if you believe that you’re a child of God, it’s easier to be noble and gracious with people the way Jesus was.  But these things only work if you believe, 100%.  Most of us are stuck somewhere in 50% mode… Continue Reading »

…is something EVERY Jesus-follower should wind up doing.  I don’t like the word “evangelist” sometimes because it implies that only certain people do this stuff.  Yes, some people are better at it than others, but helping people come to know Jesus is something EVERY Jesus-follower does or will do.  So here are 10 simple steps to becoming a better Jesus-finder-helper evangelist-like person: Continue Reading »

What you think your life is for…(or what you think you’re here to DO) determines whether something is a waste or not.  So for some people, it would be a waste not to travel the world and stay at the nicest hotels – if, let’s say, they won a free trip or something all expenses paid.  If they didn’t have to worry about paying rent and taking care of family – and could see the world in style, many people would think it would be a waste not to!  But… for people like Steve Jobs (for example), when he knew his life was short, and knew that he could afford to spend the rest of his life travelling and still have a fortune left over – didn’t travel the world.  For him, doing so would be a waste…because for him it would have been a waste of time that he could have been doing important (to him) work.  It’s not that he couldn’t see the value in travelling… but what he thought he was ‘here to do’ determined what was and wasn’t “a waste.” Continue Reading »

The “homework” of the previous post is to figure out what’s really written on your heart (so to speak) to reveal some core beliefs that have shaped your life…  Someone asks, “Why don’t you just tell us what we’re SUPPOSED to believe?” “Why do we have to figure out ‘what we’re living for?’”  Couple of reasons: One, I’m not here to tell you what to do or believe…  I’m here to help you understand what’s in the Bible, and what Jesus said.  Period.  To tell you ‘what you should do’ would imply that I’m better than you – and I’m not – so that’s not my job.  Two, the reason why you need to this homework is: unless you know how your heart is operating currently, you won’t be able to understand what Jesus is telling you to do differently! Continue Reading »

Here’s a little spiritual homework assignment that can change your life: take out a piece of paper (or open a new doc file) and write out in one sentence “what” you live for.  What is it that if you did not accomplish, your life would be a waste – and if you do accomplish, even if you lose everything else, you will feel you’ve been successful.  Take some time with this.  The hard part is you ALREADY have an answer to this that you never admitted to yourself or put into conscious thoughts.  Then when you’ve done that, beneath it, make a list of things that you DO during the week, and explain how they go toward doing “what you live to do.”  This is to double check: the majority of things you DO should be related to what you wrote for “what you live to do”…  If it doesn’t then go back and reconsider what you put down in the first line, to see if there might not be something else you’re really living for…

Now we know things go wrong when people live for the wrong things… even if they’re “good” things, unless they’re things really worth living for – we wind up not really “living.”  So we want to think about this and live for something WORTH living for…  At this point, maybe you’re expecting me to tell you what you should live for – but I’m not… Instead let me ask you: what do you think Jesus would say?  Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section…

Things are not always as they appear.  Everyone else might look to you like they have it all together: they never get lonely or scared or bitter, they have no issues…  But the reality is different from appearances…  And because we can’t see what’s really going on underneath – when it comes to other people – it sometimes encourages us to pretend that we’re “okay” too.  But the truth is underneath the cool spider costume, you’re broken, tragically flawed, in need of God.  The spider ain’t real, it’s a costume and an illusion. In the same way, a lot of what we show on the outside is just an illusion, and the first step is to admit that…  Take off the costume sometimes, and spend some time with two legs. That’s what fellowship is about: real people without costumes.

[Btw, as far as Halloween costumes go, this is one of my favorites - and although we do value "being yourself" at CF, if you want to come sitting on a fluffy spider, that's fine with me!]