More on emotional fusion…


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What most people need to learn (usually by experience) is that it’s okay to disagree about important things with people you love.  Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you will agree with them about everything.  Sometimes they will be wrong, and you need to allow them the freedom to be wrong.  Sometimes YOU are the one who’s wrong, and God has already given you the freedom to do so.  One day we’ll know everything perfectly and we’ll all agree – but for the time being there will be lots of disagreements about things we consider important.  Real love respects people’s freedom.  Real love treats people like human beings, instead of treating them like idiot children.

“So what if your best friend wanted to jump off a cliff, you’d just step aside?”  Of course not.  But I can’t be there to stop him every time.  In the end he will do what he decides – and so I’m going to have to deal with it on that level… Sometimes, people who feel that their lives are out of their control see suicide as a way of taking control of their own destiny…  If you simply force that person to live – you’ve just given them another reason to want to die…  Sure – you did it out of love – but your love is killing him.  So if it were me I would try to stop the person long enough to hear me out…acknowledge that it’s their choice – tell them how I would feel about it, and reason with them to come to a different conclusion…  All the while acknowledging it is THEIR choice in the end.  This isn’t a trick, it’s not reverse-psychology, it’s a fact.  God has given you sovereign rule over just one life, your own…

“But what if your child wants to try crack or run off into traffic or something?”  If you’re talking small children – small children are not adults, and so parents and guardians have to make certain decisions for them until they’re older.  But the goal of parenting there is to make sure that they are equipped to make their own decisions…  So a small child wanting crack needs to know that ‘one day’ he will get to make that decision on his own – and (until then) needs to be equipped to make a good choice.

“Why do you keep saying God doesn’t force people? He’s always scaring people into doing what He wants in the Bible!”  Actually he doesn’t.  There are places where God sends people with some strong words – but they were words…  So far, at this point in history, there’s only one person who’s gone to Hell, and that’s Jesus who went in our place.  Instead, God is always using words to get his point across.  Meanwhile the character of God in the Bible is one who has the ability to change history and force individual behavior – and yet this is never the way he works…  Instead God is always saying things like “come, let us REASON together – though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow!”  In that context – even the harshest words are built upon a love and respect of your individual identity…

Related posts:

  1. How to deal with emotional blackmail (anime version)
  2. The Four Idols
  3. Our core FEAR concerning God…
  4. Confessions of a married person, p2
  5. Emotional fusion…
  6. Dating in the Light, Part 2: Courtship
  7. Your feelings are not Jesus…
  8. Emotional blackmail

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