When it’s wrong to kid around…
Jan 20th, 2010 by ljkim
It’s possible to poke fun and kid around in such a way that instead of breeding resentment, friendship gets drawn closer. Friends can poke fun at differences sometimes, and even have play-rivalries, as an outgrowth of the friendship. Now I happen to be socially retarded (yes, I cope well enough with my disability that most people can’t tell), so for people like me it’s best to stay away from the kidding around stuff altogether. But for those of you who do poke fun at your buddies, and as you learn to become “ministers” (see the previous post) you need to know WHEN you absolutely may NOT kid around…ever…no matter how tempted you are… or else you will breed resentment and bitterness toward everything good you are trying to do.
You must not kid around with people when you are in a position of authority. Even when it’s just a stupid temporary play acting kind of authority…it’s not cool. So imagine two students making fun of each other’s dumb answers in class… Perfectly acceptable in the right context between friends. But if you’re in a position of authority, the leader of a group, a moderator of a discussion, the teacher of a class, the manager in a job – all of a sudden, no matter how close you are with someone on a personal level, poking fun takes an entirely different context. So instead of two students poking fun, imagine a teacher poking fun at a student’s answer, “congratulations that’s the stupidest thing you said all day.” Even if it’s the same two people – in this new context the statement may even feel the same to the person saying it – but will be received differently.
Many leaders, parents, teachers, managers, totally undermine their own authority by kidding around (in a certain way) with people they are in authority over… Kids can be sarcastic with parents, but parents may not be sarcastic toward kids…if you do, they will resent you. People on the lower end of the power equation can poke fun, but when you’re the one holding more power you may not poke fun at them. But of course many leaders do…then they wonder why people seem to “turn on them.” Yes, I speak from experience on this!
So here’s the rule: When you’re in the role of any kind of leadership, no matter how temporary – you can be the moderator of a discussion, or leading a book group – while you are in authority you may not criticize people in jest, or be sarcastic in any way… Instead you can be sincere and honest and gentle with other people’s feelings. I don’t make up the rules, it’s just how it is on this one.
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