“Is the idea of marriage dead?”
Aug 19th, 2009 by ljkim
One of those viral videos found on the inter-web
No the idea of marriage is not dead, it just needs fresh choreography. But, someone objects: “You don’t need a piece of paper to love someone and live together and share a life together, so what’s the point of marriage?” The thing about dating and living-together is – and I know I’ve written it and said it before, but it’s worth repeating: no matter how much two people feel for each other, the relationship is still “conditional.” The unspoken rule of dating and co-habitating is, “as long as I continue to feel this way (condition), as long as you behave that way (condition), as long as we have what we have (condition), then I will be there for you.” The point of marriage is that it’s as unconditional as human love can get: “I will be there for you, to support you, to be your helper, to be your friend, no-matter-what.” And so at a wedding you’re literally signing over your possessions, your name, and your lives to one another…usually in front of friends and family.
Now what this means for married people is that at some point in marriage…it could be a week into the marriage or a year or ten years, you will have a fight with your spouse…the kind of fight where in the past you would have broken off the relationships. Only you won’t break up, (although you could) instead you’ll do something totally new to you: You won’t stop loving the person just because you’re upset. And instead of just being on “your” side of the argument, you’ll take your spouse’s side (as you promised in your wedding vows), and do whatever needs to be done for your spouse’s well being and happiness. To sacrifice yourself, in some small way, for your beloved. And when two normal people try to do this for one another, they’re getting a taste of what true love is all about.
By the way this is what it means to imitate God in marriage. God doesn’t come to you and promise to love you as long as you’re pretty, or witty, or fun; He comes to wash your sins…and He does this not out of condescending charity, but because He believes in you, and sees what you will be when all your sin is washed away… Now you don’t have to get married to know that, but the more you do know that, the more you’ll imitate Him in all the different parts of your life…including marriage.
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