Dating Light (Beta)
Jun 23rd, 2009 by ljkim
I think most people have dating all wrong. As a result, if you’re single, you’re probably not having as much fun as you could if you made just a few simple changes. Instead you get stuck with conflicting emotions, feelings of guilt, crossed signals (where one person is “serious” and the other is not), perpetual dating that leads nowhere (when you want it to lead to something else)…
I think the first mistake is people think of dating as Mini-Marriages or Trial Marriages. What’s wrong with this? …Dating is NOTHING like marriage. Dating is “conditional”… it’s a relationship in which you’re trying to figure out things about yourself and the other person, and “IF” it works out, you take it to the next level. Marriage, on the other hand, is “unconditional” (as much as we’re humanly able to be unconditional). Marriage is when two people know one another well enough to promise “no matter what, I will be there for you.” It’s what every lover’s heart wants to be able to say to his/her beloved. “I will ALWAYS be there for you…no matter what.” Those words don’t really belong in a dating relationship (and are often said, but turn out to be untrue)… But in a marriage you swear to them in a legally binding contract in front of all your family and friends! Anyway, one problem with mini-marriage-dating is that rather than preparing you for actual marriage, it prepares you instead for actual divorce and actual serial monogamy. Dating is NOT marriage. Marriage is about you and the “one” guy or girl you will join your life to. Dating, on the other hand, is not. That’s the first (biblical) principle you need to apply (somehow)…
What that means for you is…if you are between the ages of 25 and 35, AND you’re completely unattached, here are the rules for something we call “Dating Light”:
1. Go out on as many “dates” as you like, and with as many different people as you like. The more, the better. Even if you don’t think of that person “in that way” – if he or she asks, go have fun! And if he/she doesn’t ask, but might be open to it, then you ask.
2. Stop looking for the “One.” Chances are you don’t know what you’re looking for (if you did you would have found him/her already). So stop looking for the one, and start having some fun.
3. No hanky pancky. Sex (and messing around) is the best way to screw up your chemical and emotional system so that you “think” you’re in love with someone who’s all wrong for you. It’s also the best way to ruin fun and friendship and actual loving intimacy in the future… Even if you’re convinced one person is THE one, and you want to make an exception…don’t. Think about it. How you behave in this respect will tell that person boatloads about all your other dates!!
4. Communicate your intentions. Let them know in advance that this is what you’re after, and that your idea of dating doesn’t involve “hooking up.” If they’re no longer interested, then they were wrong to begin with. This is the best way to weed out the losers quickly and not waste your time or get emotionally attached.
The goal is to have as many fun dates with as many people as possible. For guys, you want to have fun afternoons or evenings with as many women as you can…letting them know how great they are, and enjoying their company. Women, your goal is to have fun with as many single guys as you know, letting them know how great they are, and enjoying their company. Any smart single person would rather go out on a date like that – with no strings, no pressure, no regrets - than stay home alone… You’ll be blessed and bless other people.
And for marriage-minded people… when you DO meet “the one”, think how much easier it will be to date and enjoy his/her company. Also this increases the chances of meeting him or her exponentially while making life more fun in the meantime… That’s the basic idea. Please tell me what you think!!
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[Coming soon: Part 2 "Serious Dating" - when two people start to have serious feelings for each other...leading to what people used to call "courtship."]
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