Learning to Love Your Family
Dec 5th, 2008 by ljkim
There’s an interesting article in the Times this week about how workplace roles mirror our family relationships. Your boss becomes nagging mother or distant hard to please father… If you read along the lines of family counseling literature, it’s easy to wonder if we’re doomed to live out our family dysfunctions for the rest of our lives… Maybe. Learning to love (rather than be controlled by and manipulate) family sets you free to live out healthy relationships in every other part of your life.
Jesus was never guilt tripped by his mother or his brothers, or his followers. Here’s why: Most of us want the approval of our parents… This is perfectly natural and yet a huge problem… Parents who need their children’s approval have trouble doing whats best in loving their children, they usually spoil them. Their personal needs get in the way of their love and duty. The same thing happens with adult-children when they seek their parents’ approval; your need gets in the way of your love and duty… this is why family (when they’re near) can often control you (control what you do, how you feel, what you think). Lots of times we confuse the ability to emotionally control someone (or be controlled) with “love.” But it’s not love. It’s the twisted orc version of love. I think Jesus could love without being manipulated, and without manipulating…because he knew his real father was God. When we seek God’s approval, we can freely love without being controlled by our families…
Anyway the point I want to make here is I know some of you have issues with family…don’t assume that the only course of action is to bear with it the way you have. Jesus did it differently, and he changed everything for you…because now God is your Father too. Learn to love your family without manipulating or being manipulated by them. Look for your approval from your real Father, and be thankful and grateful for everything your family has done for you. Take this as big-brotherly advice, and I’d be glad to talk to you about it sometime. Jesus says that the church is now the real family, and God is the real father…but part of making that a reality means we have to learn to do “family” right.
[About the photo: a fruitcake, the universal symbol of family dysfunction - sorry to all the fruitcake lovers]
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