Dating Strategies 101
Dec 11th, 2008 by ljkim
This is the sequel to “How to Find the Man/Woman of your Dreams” post… I thought I’d add to it a little:
I think there’s a way to date and get involved and (even if the relationship doesn’t work out) still be glad for it… You don’t have to have painful breakups. Bad relationships don’t really teach us much of anything. They don’t make it easier to love in the future, they actually make it a little harder. What you need is to learn to love and date and have fun in a way that makes you richer and richer as time goes on… So here are some tips to how to do this… How can you date without getting all beat up emotionally, and actually have fun until your version of happily-ever-after comes along?
#1 Focus on “Fun & Friendly”
Instead of looking for “romance” you should be looking for fun and friendly “dates.” Go have lunch with someone or go rollerblading or grab dinner and a movie with anyone who wants good conversation and friendly company. Organize group events. But if it’s one on one, let the person know you’re interested in being friends before anything else. Get to know about him/her. I’ve mentioned this before…you get the idea.
#2 Be a Player
Yes you heard me right. Have fun friendly “dates” with as many people as are willing and your schedule allows. Even if it’s someone you’d have no interest in having a “relationship” with, be open to having a friendship. Make it easy for people to ask you to do things… And get good at asking people to do things too. In the old days, the rule was never say “no” when someone asks you to dance. Because if you say “no” to one person, not only does it break someone’s ego getting shot down, it makes it harder for the next person to ask you to dance… So be open to lots of different people as long as they know you’re interested in friendship.
#3 Don’t Give it Away
When you do start getting more deeply involved, one of the keys to keeping it healthy is don’t sleep together until you’re married. I know, I know, it’s not always easy or simple. But it’s also not that complicated. You want to date in a way that creates an incentive for not-faking in the relationship…and sex before marriage is a strong a short-term incentive to make people say things and behave in ways that aren’t real to them. You don’t get to know a person by sleeping with them; it actually makes it harder to get to know the real person. But taking sex out of the equation makes dating a lot more fun and simple and leaves you with fewer regrets…
#4 Stop the Arms Race
People are often in a rush to get into a serious relationship, then in a rush to get married, then to have children… But it shouldn’t be a race… the goal is not to get to the finish line, but to honor God and have fun through the process. Take your time in your relationships. Let it grow naturally. When you’re “dating” enjoy dating. When it grows into a more serious relationship, enjoy the serious dating relationship. When you’re engaged, enjoy the engagement… Each part of life is different, and you only get to be there once, so make the most of it.
#5 Get Spiritual
If you’re a woman, you should know that you do NOT need a man to complete you. And if you’re a guy, you don’t need a woman to make you a man. You can’t lay that burden on the person you’re dating…it’s too heavy a load for anyone to “complete you.” You’re going to have to get in touch with the part of you made for God; too often people make the romance a ‘god’, unfortunately it’s self-defeating. Nothing is more “off-put-ing” than a person who is desperate for a relationship. And few things are more attractive than a person who is secure in their own skin. Get spiritual. Don’t sell out your soul to our culture’s idea of romance…
Anyway take this for what it’s worth. It’s only a slight step forward from the other post, but I wanted to clarify and emphasize some things… if you haven’t read the other one you can read it here…
[About the photo: Yes Grace and I do watch Gossip Girl, but I can't stand half the characters this season.]
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nice tips. this will be a big help for those with little or no idea in dating. great job. keep me posted.
You watch Gossip Girl?!!! Anyway, I like point #1. I think group settings are more revealing about person than actual one-on-one dates, well, at least in the beginning.