When do you step in?
Sep 9th, 2008 by ljkim
Let’s say someone you care about is doing something you think is “wrong” in some way, when do you step in? When should you step in? And how far should you stick your nose into someone else’s business?
My generation prides itself on not being judgmental, but sometimes we just can’t keep our opinions to ourselves… especially when we care about the person it affects. The good news is when that happens we’re realizing that love and “judgment” (in a good sense) go together. The more you care about someone, the more it bothers you when he or she does something that will cause them shame or pain or regret, even if it’s further down the line. When you do NOT care about someone, it’s easy to think, “Hey it’s your life, what do I care what you do?” Which is why relationships sometimes get harder the closer you get.
The answer to “when to step in” is obvious, but too often we get it wrong… If “stepping in” means forcibly try to stop or manipulate someone into doing something then the answer is pretty much…never. Unless someone is putting themselves in imminent danger (e.g., at risk for suicide) you shouldn’t try to manipulate a person into doing your will. Even if you think it’s for their own good.
“That’s an outrage!” someone says, “What kind of pastor are you?” The reason I say this is theological: the God of the Bible doesn’t override human will (in most things) no matter how stupidly we behave… Jesus loved the world and died for it, but he did not jump into people’s lives and scold them for their sins. He alone had the right to do that, didn’t he? Yet he didn’t. But this doesn’t mean we are to keep our mouthes shut. That would make for lousy relationships… More importantly, God doesn’t just sit back and keep to himself. God reveals his thoughts on everything, but he FORCES them on no one. In the same way we can to be quick to let our friends know when (we think) they’re making a mistake…but we must do it with love and humility (admitting it’s not our call, and that we can be totally wrong, and asking their forgiveness if that’s the case) and letting them know that just as God loves sinners, we still love them even if they’re wrong about this…just the way you hope they would continue to accept you if you were wrong about this.
Not only is this more biblical (than what people normally try to do), I think it’s more effective. God reasons with us, but doesn’t force his will on us… Probably because we sinful people sometimes need to try things on our own and figure things out for ourselves, even though He already has all the answers.
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