The Middle Road on Gay Marriage
May 16th, 2008 by ljkim
The middle road – like the middle child – seldom gets noticed. On the one side you have people who are ideologically dead-set against allowing anyone to use the word “marriage” to apply to two people of the same sex. On the other side you have people who are ideologically dead-set on making sure all the people in the first group are forced to acknowledge “gay marriage” as “marriage” in every way.
It would be a mistake to think you have to side with one or the other. Personally I’m against forcing people to agree on what any particular word means. I believe in gay couples – I’ve seen them, they exist… it is really no business of mine whether couples use the word “marriage” to describe their commitment. But at the same time I think there is something beautiful and fulfilling in MY idea of marriage (one guy-one gal) that can’t be replicated in a same-sex relationship. I think my gay friends agree – in theory – that heterosexual relationships and gay relationships are fundamentally different, otherwise there would be no significance in being gay or straight… So there is an honest difference of thought here, but that’s okay…
The real issue, I think, is something else: Currently, the way laws work in our country a committed gay couple, living as a family does not share the same legal rights as traditional families. A gay partner (from what I understand) does not have the same legal access to his/her partner in the event of a medical emergency. A gay partner (once again from what I understand, correct me if I’m wrong) does not immediately have the same access to shared children… or health care benefits, and many other things that we take for granted. As a person who understands the value of family – and family is really who you make your family – I think a person should have the right to designate, through life choices, who is legally one’s family in the simple elegant way that the legal status of “marriage” allows.
I hope my gay friends will forgive me for this, but as a Christian I believe the world is broken, so people find love wherever they can; nevertheless I think men who love men and women who love women miss out on what a healthy romance with the other gender can offer. I hope also that my more traditional friends will forgive me for saying, as a Christian I believe in doing for others what I would have them do for me – and I would want (and do demand it for myself) the right to determine who is my family…with full legal and social access to all that is mine. To my traditional friends I would urge that loving people means being loving and fair even when you disagree on something you feel strongly about… The main beneficiaries in continuing the debate as it’s been going seems to be the politicians who use cultural conflicts to take attention away from other matters – and corporations who do not need to extend the same health care policies to gay partners.
[About the photo: Just a random picture of people walking in different directions...]
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I really liked this option and explanation. I’ve been hoping for someone to give me a deeper understanding as to why legalizing gay marriage matters to either side of the debate. Question – does supporting the legalization of marriage also mean that we can be glad and joyful in the union – as we would any marriage?
Should people who may disagree (on some level) with Gay marriage – but who think it should be allowed legally – celebrate a friend’s gay marriage?
The majority of my single friends are dying of loneliness (although they won’t tell you that) – so when someone finds a friend they want to consider “family” (with all the legal rights that entails), to live in close fellowship – then yes I think THAT is a cause for celebration…
Gay marriage really isn’t about sex – people are having sex anyway one way or another – it’s about commitment. And that’s a good reason to be happy for someone.
The difficulty comes in trying to articulate what it is we disagree upon –
What we disagree upon is: most people believe “I’m okay, you’re okay” Everyone is okay just the way we are…
Christians believe “I’m not okay – and you’re probably not either” – but if God can lift me up, then he could probably help you too… And this extends to EVERY part of life – including one’s sex life…
May I dare say that that for gay friends – the broken world has scarred them in such a way that (for whatever reason) they aren’t attracted to the other sex (even though family and culture pressures them to)… No one should be blamed for one’s brokenness – but at the same time it’s no use telling people with broken legs that everything is “okay” that it’s just how they were meant to be…
I’m open to other opinions on this…
I’d really love an expanded essay on this subject so I can study and remember it. =)
That being said – I’m still grappling with the idea that legalizing also means that we’re condoning a lifestyle that isn’t approved of in the bible.
Polygamy used to be legal too….
I like the line, “as a Christian I believe the world is broken, so people find love wherever they can.” However, I truly wonder about what “a healthy romance with the other gender can offer?” I think the epidemic of divorces among marriages in the Western world leads most anyone to wonder whether there are any/many/enough ‘healthy’ romances when so many marriages are so messed up… *sigh* Anyways, I don’t think it would be a good idea to legalize the same-sex unions. At the same time, I really have to ponder about what you said, that people have the right to choose who is a member of their family, hmm…