Ack I’m dating a non-Christian
Apr 30th, 2006 by ljkim
So all your non-Christian friends think your new guy/gal is pretty hot, but your mature Christian friends are worried. Well you ought to know that simply dating a non-Christian is not sinful in itself. . .So why are your Christian friends so uptight? There’s a good reason why. . .It’s because there’s no way this is going to be a fun or easy dating experience. . . So caution! Warning! Peligro!
Now if that doesn’t convince you, chances are you think you might be in love with the person (either that or you’re a sucker for pain). . .And the way love talks is, “I’d rather be miserable with this person, than happy without him/her!” What is that? That’s what we theologians kindly refer to as crazy-stupid love. And although I don’t recommend it, this is how God loves. He went to Hell, literally, for those He loves. . .If you think I’m making that up, just read the Gospels or the book of Hosea.
So you’ve been warned, but as long as you’re set on this anyway, here are five suggestions to making the best out of your crazy love affair:
Suggestion #1 – Don’t try to bully them into believing what you believe. God was gentle with you, and never rushed you or pressured you into anything. So don’t try to pressure your boyfriend/girlfriend into believing things that they are not ready for. The more you push the more they will feel manipulated and used, and that is exactly what Jesus would NEVER do.
Suggestion #2 – Don’t let them push God out of your life. It’s natural for boyfriends/girlfriends to assume you feel the same way as they do about the most important things in life. The problem is you know from the get-go that you don’t. If you just go along with everything then God will have no place in your life . . . so don’t try to pressure them, but don’t let them change you in ways you don’t want to change. Another way to say that is, don’t be ashamed of Jesus or of God . . .not because some website said so, but because you will hate yourself for it later, and it won’t help your boyfriend/girlfriend to know God either. The best thing you can do is to be you – all of you. Your boyfriend/girlfriend sees something special in you, something that none of those other folks have… Maybe they even see a bit of God’s grace in you and they are attracted to it. So you don’t want to compromise that.
Suggestion #3 – Take it slow. Take it very slow. Then remember to take it slow. You probably have pretty strong feelings about the person. They probably have strong feelings about you (to date a wacko Christian like you! j/k). But nothing good will come of rushing things. You need to grow in your faith and understanding of God…Your non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend needs to grow as well, but that’s not up to you. What you need to know is that YOU need to grow in your faith; and growth happens slowly. . .So take it slow. Learn to be great friends.
Suggestion #4 – Talk about God, sin, forgiveness and acknowledge that [a] you want/need to grow spiritually yourself, and [b] this is really important to you because you believe it’s true. Don’t say things that make the other person feel like they’re being judged, because that’s just the opposite of what Jesus does. . .He gets rid of judgment for us, remember? But talk about this stuff together. Let him/her ask all the crazy hard (and sometimes insulting) questions. . .Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know, I don’t have all the answers. . .” Don’t be afraid to go places (like I dunno. . .maybe a church?) where you can ask these questions together. Make sure it’s the kind of church that welcomes these kinds of questions. Keep asking and searching until you both find answers that make sense to you. Jesus said if you ask you will receive and if you seek you will find. . .but you have to keep asking and keep seeking.
Suggestion #5 – Have fun. The best argument for the goodness and truth and relevance of what you believe is (probably) you. He/she sees something in you that’s worth all this trouble. . .so don’t forget to have fun and enjoy one another’s company in ways you can both enjoy (and you won’t regret later).
So if I do these 5 things, does this mean the relationship will work out? Nope, sorry, the odds are still probably against you. . .that’s true for every dating relationship. . .But if you do these things there is a good chance that you won’t walk away from the relationship [a] hating yourself, [b] hating your boyfriend/girlfriend, or [c] hating God for letting you do [a] or [b].
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